There is this one day; I couldn’t help to listen to this wonderful lady talking about her heart-broken situation. I don’t know how the conversation started, but it somehow started. We were talking about relationships; she was giving a lesson about her heart-broken issue, and I was just learning from her pain.
And I understand this is a very sensitive case and subject especially for us ladies and even men too, so I am going to be very careful with it.
She told me that one thing some women make a big mistake is to give some men 100 percent of themselves. And when a woman does that to a certain kind of man, it causes his head to expand to the point to somehow starting devaluing her, and her importance in his life. And then she continued and said, “Me..? I only give my husband 50 percent and 50 percent I keep it to myself! I mean, if I go higher, may be 60 percent. Sweetie, you have got to keep the 40 percent to yourself; for the peace of mind, you know…in case of those situations, so you won’t really get hurt.” And I thought she was very funny, so I laughed out loud, I mean… you should have seen her when she was saying this, it was hilarious funny, but also somehow saddening. But I guess it wasn’t a pleasing response, and therefore, she looked at me, with a very serious look and said, “Stop laughing Sweetie! This is serious for some people in this world. Not every couple has a mate who is appreciating what she or he has dedicated and sacrificed everyday to be with him or her. So, I think 60 percent is good enough to give people like my husband, and 40 percent to keep to myself.”
Huh…tough and sensitive situation! We are not going to talk about 50-50 principle or 60-40 principle right now; though I think they are also somehow important principles to discuss about.
In Matthew chapter 7 verse 6 in the Bible, Jesus said, “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” I can really understand the lady’s pain; she gave her heart to a wrong man, and now she is suffering for it. And yes, there are some women and men I know who have very loving and appreciating husbands and wives. Unfortunately this doesn’t happen to everyone.
Jesus said in Matthew 7 verse 1 to 5; “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
In the same Bible passage but in verse 12 (Matthew 7:12), Jesus also said, “In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” Some people call it, “The Golden Rule.”
That’s why I said this subject is very sensitive and tough. We are all here to learn, and certainly not to judge one another. Let’s learn together is my forte! Even in life as a whole; I have learned this longtime ago that we are all just learning to do things right every day.
We have already been introduced by this woman’s principles; 50-50 and 60-40 percentage principles. So let’s learn about a few more percentage principles.
There is “90-10 Principle” by the famous Dr. Stephen Covey. The principal says,”10% of life is made up of what happens to you, and 90% of life is decided by how you react.”
And I happened to listen to the famous Jack Canfield in one of his teaching videos and I think he explained this principle very well. He had this equation to remember by that says; E + R = O, which stands for Events plus Responses equals to Outcome. Jack Canfield calls it ‘The Formula that Puts You in Control of Success.”
He said that the way you respond to things is going to determine the outcome you will get.
The famous Serenity prayer says, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
So for the things we can change for instance; this equation should be somehow easy to apply. All we have to do is when we are faced with circumstances or situations or events, we can decide what outcome we want to get, and having made that decision, we can adjust our response to generate our desired outcomes.
We can use the woman with the principles of 50-50 and 60-60 as an example. She can decide to change her response in dealing with her husband to get the outcome she desires and wants. They could probably decide to see a marriage counselor to help them sort things out. She can also tell him if things are going to continue this way, she is certainly not going to stay in this marriage. This will push her husband to examine things, and if he wants the marriage to work, then he will make an effort to change and start appreciating his wife and treating her better. And then in the end, she will get the outcome she wanted.
And let’s say you have this event or thing in your life that cannot itself be changed, and then you decide, okay…even though I cannot change this circumstance, but I can change myself to see things different; now, what outcome do I want? And then you go back and adjust your response in order to get the outcome you want.
An example would be, you have wanted to get a certain job promotion but in order for you to get it, you need to go back to school. The thing is, you are a single mother raising three young children by your own, and at the same time work full-time. Your mind says you cannot do it, things are going to be hard for you, but your heart says the time is now, or never. For a while you have been thinking about it, and then one day, you decide to go back to school is your last decision and a must for you. You are not doing this just for you, but for your children also so that you can be able to provide more for them and also get that promotion.
I have to say, there are some people in this life who are very outstanding. They never let their setbacks and events stop them doing great things and live their lives to their maximum potentials. They will make you look really small, let’s say if you try to compare yourself with them for what they have done and accomplished so far. Regardless of their circumstances, regardless of their handicap, regardless of how many setbacks they have faced, they still rise to the top. Those things that you think are hard, they have done them. And if you examine some of them, you may say, “how come?” I have two legs and two hands, but they don’t; I have a privilege…right?
The famous Les Brown said in one of his teaching videos that, “If you do what is easy, your life will be hard; always complaining, give up your power, blame the government and the economy. But if you do what is hard, your life will be easy.”
And that really opened my eyes, and not just on the few things he has mentioned as examples, but in so many other things. Things like taking care of ourselves, exercising and eating healthy food, saving money, and so on.
Things like forgiveness for instance; in Matthew chapter 18 verse 21 to 22 reading from Amplified Bible version , Classic Edition (AMPC), and it says, “Then Peter came up to Him and said, Lord, how many times may my brother sin against me and I forgive him and let it go? [As many as] up to seven times? Jesus answered him, I tell you, not up to seven times, but seventy times seven!”
And if you really think about it, basically Jesus meant, forgive always.
This is one of the things that you have got to do for your own good, and also for your life to be easy. You only hurt yourself if you don’t forgive. When you forgive, it frees you from many things. Because if you decide to get even and revenge, who knows what harm will you do?
I don’t know who said this, but there is this saying that says, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die.”
There could also be more than one reason why Jesus wanted us to always forgive. Could it be because He also wants us to be forgiving and loving just like our Father God is? In Matthew chapter 5 verse 43 to 48, reading from New International Bible version, it says; “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
Proverbs chapter 3 verse 5 to 6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”
The next principle is the “80-20 Principle or Pareto’s Principle.” According to Wikipedia, the principle was suggested by management thinker Joseph M. Juran. It was named after the Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto, who observed that 80% of income in Italy was received by 20% of the Italian population. The assumption is that most of the results in any situation are determined by a small number of causes.
Basically it suggests that 80 percent of your outcomes or outputs come from 20 percent of your inputs or activities. And it really doesn’t matter what numbers you apply, but the important thing this principle suggests is that in your life there are certain things you do (your 20 percent) that account for the majority (your 80 percent) of your output or outcomes.
If you spend your 20 percent focusing on your passions and living life productively, then your 80 percent will consist of productive things and outcomes and some kind of satisfaction and fulfillment.
Pareto Analysis Principle is a good statistical technique in decision-making used by businesses, companies, and organizations to select limited number of tasks and projects that produce significant overall effect. An example would be to identify the 20 percent products and services that account for the 80 percent of the profit.
The way I have come to understand this principle is very simple; just do a handful of activities every day that produce the most results you want to get. Or you could say, “If I could do one thing today, which one would be, and would contribute the most value to my goals?”
So, if you want to become a published writer and an author, but you only write once a week…guess what? You are not going to get that very far with your manuscript, at least, not anytime soon. But if you write something everyday, chances are, you will be able to finish that book manuscript you have always wanted to write by the end of the year.
And then, there is this one; the “10-10-80 Budget Principle.” I don’t know who exactly came up with this principle, but it’s workable and effective. It simply says; tithe or give to charity 10 percent of your income, save and invest 10 percent of your income, and live on 80 percent of your income.
The experts say that saving and investing 10 percent of your gross income will allow you to build solid financial foundation, will give you much needed peace of mind and will help you prioritize long-term financial health over fulfilling short-term financial wants. And the best to do it is to set up an automatic saving account and some kind of investment where it will be harder for you to tap into those funds.
Now, I think this is a very good principle when you are in the beginning stages of learning how to budgeting and managing your money. If someone is just beginning their budgeting, this seems like a great way to get them going. But as time goes on we will want to spend less than we earn, reducing or cutting back on our living expenses, and work hard to maximize our income; therefore, we will need to adjust the principle, work to exceed the first two numbers and cut back on the third. In other words, we need to live on way less than 80 percent, saving and investing way more than 10 percent, and give way more than 10 percent.
Just think of Bill Gates personal or family budget, for instance; I mean, I don’t know it, but I am kind of assuming. So, probably his equation will be ‘15-70-15 budget principle.’ He gives 15 percent, we know there is Belinda and Bill Gates foundation, and I am sure he gives so much money to various causes and charities. And let’s say He saves and invests 70 percent of his earnings. Hello…does Microsoft ring a bell? And the rest of 15 percent is for living expenses.
Yours can be different; it can be “15-20-65 budget principle.” You can say, okay…I don’t make that much money Bill Gates is making, but I can stretch myself to save and invest at least 20 percent of my income, and continue to tithe my 15 percent, and live on 65 percent. I mean, it really depends on your situation, and how you can squeeze, or stretch yourself.
I know someone will be asking right now, “Why do I need to give? Why Can’t I have two ratios or fractions, instead of three?”
Well, because giving is a good thing. And the experts say, not just for the recipient, but for the givers’ health and happiness. Giving is another language of gratitude, showing God that you are grateful and thankful. So, it’s your way of giving back.
The book of Luke chapter 6 verse 37 to 38 says, “Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”
And the book of Proverbs chapter 11 verse 24 reading from New International Bible version, also says, “One person gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty.”