The Perfect Model To Look For And Find In Your Spouse

I mentioned in our series when we were going through marital generational problems that it is very important to seek GOD and HIS help and wait on HIM to speak to us and give us a go ahead of whom we should marry.

Before we continue I would like to put a disclaimer. I am not here to condemn anybody and I’m not speaking about anybody. I am here to learn from what the Bible says concerning marriage. I also believe that people can change and break barriers of generational curses and evil foundations whether marital or in other areas of life when GOD intervenes in their lives. When we surrender to GOD and seek for HIS Will to be done in our lives, and reconciled back to HIM, things begin to shift in our lives for our good. So we should not despise others when we see them struggling now with foundation issues and all kinds of problems because GOD can change them, their issues, and circumstances. So don’t despise anybody, you don’t know what GOD is doing behind the scenes concerning their lives.

We have learned that GOD cares who we marry. If you are a person who fears GOD and have a personal relationship with GOD, GOD will guide you on whom to marry. Many times is because those people are under generational curse and they need to repent first, and reconciled back to GOD so that GOD can bring Salvation to them and their families and their lands. We learn about this in the book of Jeremiah chapter 16 where we see GOD can disallow His people to marry certain people for specific reasons, and in this case were because they were worshiping other gods and idols, and disregarding HIM. Let’s read the entire Bible passage where we see the LORD tells Jeremiah not to marry in this specific place or families mentioned in the Bible.

“The Lord spoke His Word to me. He said, “Don’t marry! Don’t have any sons or daughters in this place! This is what the Lord says about the sons and daughters born in this place and about the mothers and fathers who have children in this land: They will die horrible deaths. No one will mourn for them or bury them. They will be like manure on the ground. Wars and famines will bring them to an end. Their bodies will be food for birds and animals. “This is what the Lord says: Don’t go into a house where people are grieving. Don’t go to mourn or to grieve for them. I’m taking my peace, love, and compassion away from these people,” declares the Lord. “Old and young alike will die in this land. No one will mourn for them or bury them. No one will cut his own body or shave his own head for them. No one will offer food to comfort those who mourn the dead. No one will give a consoling drink to those who have lost their fathers or mothers. “Don’t even go into a home where there is a banquet. Don’t sit with them to eat and drink.  This is what the Lord of Armies, the God of Israel, says: I’m going to put a stop to the sounds of joy and happiness and the sounds of brides and grooms in this place. This will happen in your lifetime, while you watch. “When you tell the people all these things, they will ask you, ‘Why does the Lord threaten us with all these disasters? What have we done wrong? How have we sinned against the Lord our God?’ Then say to them, ‘It’s because your ancestors abandoned me, declares the Lord. They followed other gods, served them, worshiped them, and abandoned Me. They didn’t obey My Teachings. You have done worse than your ancestors. All of you are following your own stubborn, evil ways that keep you from obeying Me. So I will throw you out of this land into a land that you and your ancestors haven’t heard of. There you will serve other gods day and night because I will no longer have pity on you.’ “That is why the days are coming,” declares the Lord, “when people will no longer begin an oath with, ‘The Lord brought the people of Israel out of Egypt. As the Lord lives.’ But they will say, ‘The Lord brought the people of Israel out of the land of the north and all the lands where He had scattered them. As the Lord lives.’ They will say this because I will bring them back to the land that I gave their ancestors. “I’m going to send for many fishermen,” declares the Lord, “and they will catch the people of Israel. After that, I will send for many hunters, and they will hunt for them on every mountain and hill and even in the cracks in the rocks. I see everything that they do. They can’t hide anything from Me. Their wickedness can’t be hidden; I can see it. First, I will have them pay twice as much for their wickedness and their sin, because they have polluted My land. They have filled My Property with the lifeless statues of their detestable and disgusting idols.” The Lord is my strength and my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble. Nations come to You from the most distant parts of the world and say, “Our ancestors have inherited lies, worthless and unprofitable gods.” “People can’t make gods for themselves. They aren’t really gods. That is what I will teach them. This time I will make My Power and My Strength known to them. Then they will know that My Name is the Lord.”

If you seek GOD on whom to marry, GOD will tell you to marry that person or not, sometimes HE will delay the answers perhaps HE is working behind the scenes in that person’s life. Sometimes the answer will be yes. So if you don’t seek GOD for help, you may end up marrying someone who comes from lots of generational issues like we see in the Bible passage where GOD has removed HIS compassion away from them because of what their ancestors and they had done. They were under generational curse that had severe consequences.  That’s why it’s very important to humble ourselves before GOD individually and kneel before GOD day and night to show us HIS mercies. It’s possible for GOD to single you out from the crowd, because you have made decisions for follow HIM and HIM only. So it’s very important to seek GOD on whom to marry.

Before you get married to that someone, investigate first what happens to that family; what are they like, get to know their family members, and other relatives, and their histories, at least get a summary. Even if you and your potential spouse are both born-again Christians already, you need to go to the core and denounce, renounce, and rebuke threatening generational issues in both of your families. You and your potential spouse you need to fast and pray to demolish your families’ strongholds and evil foundations, and generational curses for your sake and your children sake. The Bible says when the LORD JESUS CHRIST sets us free, we are free indeed. In the LORD JESUS CHRIST there is a spiritual freedom that starts from inside and manifest to the outside. And where HIS Presence, and HIS HOLY SPIRIT lives and will be, which is in you, that Presence of GOD gives you liberty. Again this liberty starts from inside and flows to the outside. So after you have given your life to the LORD JESUS CHRIST that is the beginning of your Salvation and Deliverance from many problems that have been troubling you. But your ancestors may have made covenant with other gods that may hinder you to walk freely in your Christian walk. Now if you don’t denounce and rebuke those generational curses, those gods and idols, and evil foundations that have been established from generation to generation, and their consequences, unless your rebuke, renounce, and demolish them, they will not allow you to enjoy that freedom that you have in CHRIST. Some families have all kinds of issues troubling them. These issues may be inherited chronic diseases and illnesses, premature deaths, poverty, witchcraft, infidelities and divorces, and other kinds of generational curses. So when you seek GOD in fasting and praying, GOD will direct you what to do step by step, so that by the time you get married, you have already present in prayer all issues to GOD, and asked the Blood Of JESUS to cleans away everything that is not of GOD. And allow the SPIRIT Of GOD to take over and reign in your lives and families. You will be the ones to break barriers to those foundations and GOD to use you to establish HIS foundations through you in both your families.

So we learn that these people in these areas where worshiping idols and other gods. And it didn’t start with them, it was the ancestral thing. They inherited what their ancestral did. When you see in your family there are some weaknesses going on, do a research to track where it started from if you can. And if not in your family, if it is you who started it, and then you probably picked it up from somewhere through influence from those people in your life. Once you find out denounce, renounce, and pray against such things to leave you and your family, and ask GOD in prayer to establish HIS foundations in your lives and your families.

Now, maybe what do we want to look in a spouse?  There are some essentials that we need to look in a spouse before even we consider some of the things that in our generation really make a big deal about them. For instance, for women, which I do think even it also applies for men too; there is a model and an example of this superwoman that this mother is advising her son, king Lemuel to look for or find . It is recorded in the book of Proverbs chapter 31.

And it says “These are the solemn words which king Lemuel’s mother said to him: “You are my own dear son, the answer to my prayers. What shall I tell you? Don’t spend all your energy on sex and all your money on women; they have destroyed kings. Listen, Lemuel. Kings should not drink wine or have a craving for alcohol. When they drink, they forget the laws and ignore the rights of people in need. Alcohol is for people who are dying, for those who are in misery. Let them drink and forget their poverty and unhappiness. “Speak up for people who cannot speak for themselves. Protect the rights of all who are helpless. Speak for them and be a righteous judge. Protect the rights of the poor and needy.” How hard it is to find a capable wife! She is worth far more than jewels! Her husband puts his confidence in her, and he will never be poor. As long as she lives, she does him good and never harm. She keeps herself busy making wool and linen cloth. She brings home food from out-of-the-way places, as merchant ships do. She gets up before daylight to prepare food for her family and to tell her servant women what to do. She looks at land and buys it, and with money she has earned she plants a vineyard. She is a hard worker, strong and industrious. She knows the value of everything she makes, and works late into the night. She spins her own thread and weaves her own cloth. She is generous to the poor and needy. She doesn’t worry when it snows, because her family has warm clothing. She makes bedspreads and wears clothes of fine purple linen. Her husband is well known, one of the leading citizens. She makes clothes and belts, and sells them to merchants. She is strong and respected and not afraid of the future. She speaks with a gentle wisdom. She is always busy and looks after her family’s needs. Her children show their appreciation, and her husband praises her. He says, “Many women are good wives, but you are the best of them all.” Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears, but a woman who honors the Lord should be praised. Give her credit for all she does. She deserves the respect of everyone.”

We learn a lot about this woman’s character. And I love what verses 29 and 30 says “Many women are good wives, but she is the best of them all. Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears, but a woman who honors the Lord should be praised.” Another Bible translation says “But a woman who fears the LORD should be praised.”

Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears, but a woman who honors the LORD should be praised. It’s okay to look for a charming woman or man. And it’s okay to look for a beautiful woman or handsome man, but those things can be deceptive and can disappear. But this mother said what you really need to look for is the inner beauty, which is the fear of the LORD. You need to look for a woman or man who honors the LORD. Therefore, the first thing to look for is GOD-fearing woman or man. That is the first quality to look for in a potential spouse.

It’s about character and attributes. All these outside things can follow later, but look for the inner-character first, if I can put it that way. And if you ask me, if you don’t have the LORD JESUS CHRIST as your Master and Savior of your life, and have HIS HOLY SPIRIT guiding you, it will be hard to possess those godly characters, CHRIST-character, the characters that are pleasing to GOD.

This woman fears or honors the LORD. And believe me this is very important. If you find a man or woman who fears the LORD, he or she will not be able to harm you even when she or he may be tempted so sometimes because of life pressure. In verse 12, it says that “As long as she lives, she does him good and never harm.” She won’t be able to cheat on you or flirt with other men because she fears GOD. It’s her relationship with GOD that makes her behaves and not wanting to do you harm. Because she honors GOD, and she knows GOD is all knowing and all seeing and all powerful, so she knows she has to answer to GOD whatever she does to you. She loves GOD, she looks to grow in the LORD, and she doesn’t do things to please people, but she does things to please GOD.

The same to men; a man that fears GOD will not harm you; he will not intentionally disrespect you. He will be faithful to you because He fears GOD. Your future spouse will respect you. He or she will not take advantage of you, but will pour into your life, and the effort will be mutual. In verse 28, it says “Her children show their appreciation, and her husband praises her.”

There is this story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife in the Bible. In the book of Genesis chapter 39 verses 2 to 10, it says that “The Lord was with Joseph so that he prospered, and he lived in the house of his Egyptian master. When his master saw that the Lord was with him and that the Lord gave him success in everything he did, Joseph found favor in his eyes and became his attendant. Potiphar put him in charge of his household, and he entrusted to his care everything he owned. From the time he put him in charge of his household and of all that he owned, the Lord blessed the household of the Egyptian because of Joseph. The blessing of the Lord was on everything Potiphar had, both in the house and in the field. So Potiphar left everything he had in Joseph’s care; with Joseph in charge, he did not concern himself with anything except the food he ate. Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, and after a while his master’s wife took notice of Joseph and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he refused. “With me in charge,” he told her, “my master does not concern himself with anything in the house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my care. No one is greater in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her.”

Joseph had an opportunity to sleep with his master’s wife, but because he feared GOD, he refused to yield to the temptation. He said “How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” So it wasn’t because he was afraid of Potiphar, he wasn’t looking to please Potiphar, he was looking to please GOD, because he honored GOD. He could have an affair and get away with it without his master knowing about it, but because of his relationship with GOD, he wanted to please GOD and honor HIM, therefore, he couldn’t do it.

So that is the first thing to look for a future spouse. It will save you a lot of problems because your spouse knows whatever he or she does, they need to give an account to GOD. So it will save you a lot of stress that others maybe going through in marriage.

Another thing is that this woman is a hard worker, she is not lazy…hahaha. In verse 17, it says “She is a hard worker, strong and industrious.” In fact in verse 11, it also says “Her husband puts his confidence in her, and he will never be poor.” I thought this is so hilarious…hahaha. “So even men don’t want a woman that will make them poor…hahaha. She is not a liability, she adds to her husband. She makes sure her husband succeeds also. How do I know? Well, in verse 23, it says “Her husband is well known, one of the leading citizens.” The Bible says this woman gets up before daylight to prepare food for her family and to tell her servant women what to do. She looks at land and buys it, and with money she has earned she plants a vineyard. I love this. With the money she earned she plants a vineyard. Not her husband money, her own money…hahaha. So we learn that this vineyard it could be a metaphor for a business or ministry, and et cetera. In verse 24 it says “She makes clothes and belts, and sells them to merchants.” So she has a business going on.

So basically this woman is a helper to her husband. She is not just a housemate…hahaha. She has her own thing, her husband has her own thing, and they are both successful. You have to find someone who wants to do something about her own life, someone who has a sense of purpose and wants to live GOD’s best for her life. Look for a spouse that will help you be a man or woman that GOD ordained you to be so that you can both give GOD glory.

She is a family woman and she takes care of her family and her household. She loves her family and make sure their needs are met. In verse 15, it says “She gets up before daylight to prepare food for her family and to tell her servant women what to do.” In verse 21, also says “She doesn’t worry when it snows, because her family has warm clothing.” And then in verse 27, it says “She is always busy and looks after her family’s needs.” One thing I know is that marriage is not for children. Marriage comes with responsibilities. It’s different when you are single, you can wake up anytime, and make your own schedule and still accomplish a lot in a day. When you are married and with children, this is especially when they are still young, let me put this way, your life is not really your own anymore…hahaha. You have got to squeeze your spouse, children, other family members, your career, and so forth to make sure they fit in your 24 hours a day. You have got to wear many hats of responsibilities.

So you need to find someone who would like to have a family of his or her own. Some people may not be ready to transition. There are people who may want to marry you, but they may not want to have children. They just want to be married but do not want children. So you need to discuss these things ahead of time with your potential spouse. Do you want to have children? How many children you both want to have? Are you going to take them to daycare or one of you is going to be a stay home mom or dad for a period of time. Of course, most of the time is a mom, but there are stay home dads nowadays. But also where are you going raise them? So things like that.

She is generous. In verse 20 it says “She is generous to the poor and needy.” So she has a good heart and walks in love. So we see this CHRIST-like character in her. She reaches out to others, those in need. She probably gets involved also in charities and good causes, in giving to people and her community. So she also treats other people well. She lays her treasures in heaven and gives to the poor. She is a woman who honors GOD, of course she gets involved in Kingdom of GOD’s matters. In verse 25, it says “She is strong and respected and not afraid of the future.” Future can mean two things; the eternal life future or the afterlife, because she puts her trust in GOD. But it could also be she is investing in her future here on earth, she can retire early if she wants too…hahaha. But also her strength comes from the LORD that’s why she is not afraid of the future.

What else do we seen in her? In verse 26, it says “She speaks with a gentle wisdom.” She is not a nagging woman…hahaha. She knows when to open her mouth and when to keep quite. In another Bible translation it says “She opens her mouth in [skillful and godly] wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue [giving counsel and instruction]. She is wise, and you can also say an intellectual woman with godly counsel. This can also mean she has good communication skills. So we can see all these characters and attributes that she has. I know a lot of men are praying for this particular character and attributes in their wives.

Maybe let’s see about what this mother said to her son, king Lemuel concerning him as a leader. So the mother is telling her son the things he should not do. She told him “Kings should not drink wine or have a craving for alcohol. When they drink, they forget the laws and ignore the rights of people in need. ” So she relates to alcohol as bad influence not just to a leader, but anyone really. But she also told him “Don’t spend all your energy on sex and all your money on women; they have destroyed kings.” And these is what he should do instead; “Speak up for people who cannot speak for themselves. Protect the rights of all who are helpless. Speak for them and be a righteous judge. Protect the rights of the poor and needy.” She was advising him of what others seem to neglect when they are in leadership positions. If I can relate this to marriage subject, basically the man is the head of the family. When we say the head, we mean the position of leadership. So he needs to be wise and be a good leader. There are things he should look into consideration. He shouldn’t cheat around and spend all his energy and money on women. Those have destroyed husbands. But also he should protect his family and be a righteous judge, and et cetera. So we see here also what to look in a future spouse, whether a man or woman.

In the book of 1 Peter chapter 3 verses 1 to 7, Apostle Peter said that “Wives, obey your own husbands. Some of your husbands may not obey the Word of GOD. By obeying your husbands, they may become Christians by the life you live without you saying anything. They will see how you love GOD and how your lives are pure. Do not let your beauty come from the outside. It should not be the way you comb your hair or the wearing of gold or the wearing of fine clothes. Your beauty should come from the inside. It should come from the heart. This is the kind that lasts. Your beauty should be a gentle and quiet spirit. In God’s sight this is of great worth and no amount of money can buy it. This was the kind of beauty seen in the holy women who lived many years ago. They put their hope in GOD. They also obeyed their husbands. Sarah obeyed her husband Abraham. She respected him as the head of the house. You are her children if you do what is right and do not have fear. In the same way, husbands should understand and respect their wives, because women are weaker than men. Remember, both husband and wife are to share together the gift of life that lasts forever. If this is not done, you will find it hard to pray.”

In another Bible translation, the same Bible passage says “In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over  by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to GOD. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in GOD and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.  In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in GOD’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.”

When choosing a spouse we need to consider of inner beauty first, and then the outer one is an addition. You are the one who have to live with this person for the rest of your life on this planet earth. But sometimes when push comes to shove, when life pushes you to the limit that is when you will know what kind of a man or woman you have married. And this is why many people believe you should get to know the person long enough to know their hidden virtues, what they do when they get angry, when things get hard or face difficulties for instance, do they run away or they stick around, and so forth. Some believe that if GOD spoke to you about that person, if you are sure it was GOD, then there is no need to wait a long time, because GOD will speak to both of you and teach you how to love one another.

So we see all these talked about here are about characters, the qualities they possess, and how they behave. If you like someone, consider these things first, then all other things you may be looking in your spouse follows such as outer appearance or how they look. You can’t buy inner beauty. You can’t buy godly character such as obedience, humility, or being humble to submit to GOD, your spouse, and GOD’s Will for your life. There are qualities such as hardworking and the spirit of excellence that GOD can deposit and develop inside a particular person’s life that money can’t buy or manipulate. You can’t buy GOD’s favor that maybe operating in someone’s life. Buy you can buy makeup. You can hire someone to teach you English language. You can buy wigs…hahaha. You can go on debt and live a lavish life. All these things can be bought and can be replaced, but you can’t replace an outstanding woman or man in your life. Such people can make good marks on your life that you will find to be irreplaceable. So involve GOD in your decisions. Choose the beauty in doing GOD’s way. It will save you a lot of things like divorce later on, domestic abuses and all other abuses related to marriage, and other things. But you will be able to enjoy your marriage more because you have put GOD at the center of your marriage and family. You can lean on GOD and cast your burdens to HIM. During difficulty times you have an assurance that GOD will be in the midst of your situations, you will come out stronger and better. Great marriages don’t just happen. You need to involve GOD, but also both you and your spouse need to play your parts and put it to work.

So choose the beauty that will lead you into doing things and live life in GOD’s way.

Helen Majaga is a founder of Helen Majaga International, Live to Your Full Potential Podcast & YouCount Magazine, specializing in the training and development of individuals and businesses to achieve personal and professional goals.

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